I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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