upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
