Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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