There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
