Got a toothbrush?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
