Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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