What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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