Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize