Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
