My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
