we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Houston, we have a squirter
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
