bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
