Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
