She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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