Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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