had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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