This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
