he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
