what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
