HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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