Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize