Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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