she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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