a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
