she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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