Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pray to the hookup gods
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
