Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
