my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Terrible idea I love it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
