you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
