You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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