the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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