toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
