No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
