The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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