I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
