I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
