grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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