TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
