every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
