Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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