So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
