so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
