wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
