Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Randomize
