There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
