my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
