It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize