He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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