if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sober January is a disaster.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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