Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
