Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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