hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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