Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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