Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
