I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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