Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
