I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
