I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
