theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
