I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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