so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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