Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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