I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
