How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
