apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
