i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my vagina is haunted
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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