My liver just broke up with me...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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