I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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