we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
