have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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