nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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